How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Self-Care

Aug 16

As a mom of two, someone who naturally wants to help others, and a child of parents who never seemed to know how to rest, guilt has been a constant companion in my life. Whether it’s missing out on family time when I take a moment for myself, overcommitting to help others even when I’m stretched thin, or feeling like I should always be working instead of resting, guilt has a way of sneaking in. It’s especially strong when I try to set boundaries or prioritize my needs. But what I know so far.........self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Let’s talk turkey about why we feel that guilt and how to start letting it go.

Why Guilt Happens

Growing up with parents who were always on the go, I learned to equate rest with laziness and productivity with worth. And as a mom, that instinct to keep going only got stronger. But the truth? Taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of others. The guilt we feel when taking a break? It’s a learned response, not reality. And it’s time to start seeing it for what it is, just a habit that doesn’t serve me.

Now that we know where guilt might be coming from, here’s what’s helped me, and might help you start letting it go -

Recognize guilt for what it is

The first step is noticing when guilt creeps in and remembering it’s not the truth; it’s just a habit we’ve picked up. When I feel that guilt, I remind myself that I’m worthy of care, just like I know my daughters and best friends are. If I’d give them grace, I owe the same understanding to myself

Reframe your thinking

I used to see self-care as something extra, something I had to earn, and honestly, something reserved for women with tons of money, like a luxury spa day. Growing up, the women in my life didn’t prioritize self-care; they were dedicated to building a better future for the next generation. They showed me the value of hard work and resilience. Now, I view self-care as a way to honor the path they created for us. It’s not a luxury—it’s a necessity. When I take care of myself, I’m better able to care for my kids, help others, and show up fully in all areas of my life. Self-care isn’t just about pampering; it’s about keeping my mind calm so I don’t lose it on someone, keeping my body strong and cared for so I can live a long, healthy life, and keeping my spirit in a good place. When our spirits are in a good place, we become magnetic for all of life’s goodness.

Little by little

If you’re like me and guilt tends to creep in, start small. Spend five minutes in the morning just for you—maybe stretch, breathe, or enjoy a warm cup of lemon water. Take a short walk during the day, wash your face slowly, or pause for a moment of quiet before bed. Little by little, these small acts of slowing down help the guilt fade as you start to feel the positive effects on your mood and energy. Over time, self-care becomes a natural part of your routine, making it easier to let go of the guilt and embrace the benefits.

Own your worth

I didn’t start by saying, “I am worthy.” Honestly, my own worthiness felt too out of reach to even talk about. But I knew I wanted my daughters to grow up knowing their own self-worth, and that’s what got me started on this journey. I realized that if I wanted them to know their value, I had to start figuring out mine. It wasn’t easy, but now I can finally say, “I am worthy of doing what I truly want or need to do.”

Being a helper by nature, it’s easy to put everyone else first. Whether you’re always keeping the peace, taking on more than your share, or pushing yourself to meet everyone’s expectations, it’s no wonder your needs end up last. But I’ve learned that I’m worthy of care, too. These simple reminders help me shift my mindset and remember that self-care isn’t something I have to earn—it’s something I deserve.

Guilt’s always going to try and sneak in, especially when you’re used to putting everyone else first. But little by little, by seeing it for what it is, shifting your mindset, and owning your worth, you can start to kick that guilt to the curb. Self-care isn’t something you have to earn—it’s something you deserve. When you take care of yourself, you’re not just doing it for you; you’re setting an example for everyone around you, especially if you’re a mom like me. So start small, cut yourself some slack, and watch how these little acts of self-care can change not just your day, but your whole outlook. You’re worth it—just like I’ve learned I am.

~ nicolette